Bill Vs Doritos And Various Other Human Objects
by GeminiLady21
Summary: Apparently Bill Cipher is bound to the soul of Pine Tree. Wonderful. An ancient demon of his caliber, stuck sharing a body with an adolescent, awkward teenage boy. For the meantime, Bill might as well take his time to enjoy what the third dimension had to offer, probably nothing but boring stuff… "What are these...Do-ri-tos?"
1. Bill Vs The Locked Door

**A/N: Jah….this isn't something that isn't particularly plot heavy like the other Gravity Falls fanfic I'm working on. I just wanna take a break from planning and mapping out chapters. (and have an excuse to not do homework haha ohpleasesomeoneshootme - ahem)**

 **Summary:** Apparently Bill Cipher is bound to the soul of Pine Tree. _Wonderful._ An ancient demon of his caliber, stuck sharing a body with an adolescent, awkward teenage boy. For the meantime, Bill might as well take his time to enjoy what the third dimension had to offer, probably boring and uninspired stuff… "What are these...Do-ri-tos?"

 **Setting:** Post Sock-Opera

 **Rated K+:** For Mild Swearing, Mild Violence

 **Genre:** Humor, Supernatural, Friendship, Family

* * *

 **~The Chapter In Which Bill Makes a New Enemy~**

It is horribly freaky watching his own body erratically stumble back and forth, like a puppet being clumsily controlled by a three year old. To add on more to Dipper's panic, the fact that he is now in the black and white distorted scenery of the Mindscape didn't help his case at all.

Mabel gapes at her twin brother's body awkwardly stumble up to its feet, and gasps when the possessed body turns to her. A sickly, unnatural grin that Dipper would never make, is spread on his face, his eyes having a sick yellowish tint to them and pupils dialated. At that moment, the twins can both guess what phenomenon is just taking place in their very bedroom - the dreaded demon, Bill Cipher, has taken over Dipper Pine's body once again. _Not good._ Dipper can only float helplessly to the side, as he watches in horror Bill rising in his husk of a body. Bill blinks, and for a barest moment, confusion contorts his face.

Before he could take any more action, Mabel tackles the possessed Dipper's body. "Get outta my brother's body, you _jerk-wad!_ " She hollers, turning red at the cheeks as she repeatedly smacks Bill's (technically, _his_ face, Dipper remembers this fact in discomfort) face silly.

"Oof! Ah! Shooting - OUCH - Star, I can explain! YAWW!"

Quickly, Dipper scours the room for some sort of object he can take control of in order to be present in this chaotic situation. His eyes spot a lone sock lying on his messy, unmade bed. Dipper directs himself to float over to it, taking hold of the sock. In his ghostly form, he did his best to make a shape of a (very ugly) looking sock pocket, without the googly eyes and handmade costume. "Mabel! Let him talk! And please stop beating up my body, I'm going to have to get back into it eventually!"

Mabel stops in mid-punch, looking surprised at the floating, talking sock. "Bro!" She scowls violently at her possessed brother, who is shuddering under her intimidating presence. "What the heck is going on here? I thought we blew Bill into next week in the Opera last night!"

"I thought so too! You better explain Bill or - or -"

"Or we'll make you watch 4 hours worth of My Little Sparkly Dragon!" Mabel threatens with crazed eyes.

Dipper manages to give his sister the most weirded out look he could muster by possessing the makeshift sock body. Along with Bill, who gives Mabel a weird look as well. "Wait, what's My Little Sparkly -"

"Hey Dipper, we should play Good Cop, Bad Cop! You be the Good Cop! And I," Mabel takes a moment to crack her knuckles, glaring menacingly down at Bill who is pinned down to the floor. "Play the _Bad Cop."_ Bill gives a loud gulp when he hears this.

"Mabel! Now's not the time for games! We gotta figure out what's happening here!"

"Aw, fine. Ruin my game, see if I care." She grumbles.

"Look kids, I'm just about as confused as you are. So hows' about you let me go and I'll just be on my merry way -"

"How about NO!" Mabel hollers, slamming Bill to the floor with the upmost strength. Dipper winces to himself, shuddering at the thoughts of the bruises awaiting him when he returns to his body. Bill flinches under the seemingly incredible strength of Mabel, raising his arms in surrender.

"I...I think there maybe some...complications."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Wellllll, something may or may have not happened when I took control of Pine Tree's body."

"And what is that 'happening' you speak of?" Dipper asks, suspicion growing in the air.

"Welllll, there's a reason why I don't like possessing human bodies so much."

"And?"

"Wellll, it's because there's a 50/50 percent chance that I might end up getting bound to the soul of the body."

"What?!" Dipper panics, flinging his ghostly arms around. Along with it, the sock in his hand waves up and down as well. Mabel couldn't help but laugh at this sight, though her face snaps back into somberness once she remembers the direness of the situation. "What the heck does that mean? Is this _forever?!"_

"Welllll -"

"Stop saying 'welllll' that's annoying!" Mabel interrupts, an impatient look on her round face.

"Gee, okay then! I'm hoping this won't be forever - though it may be a looooong time before my connection with your soul wears off. Who knows - it might take days, or weeks, or months, or years, or decades, or centuries, or, or - uhm, what's the word that's bigger than a century again? C'mon, help me out ki - OOF!" Bill exclaims, being smacked upside on the head by Mabel.

"This is bad. This is bad. This is bad, bad, bad!" Dipper repeats to himself, in a frenzied panic.

"Yeah, this is _BAD!_ Trapped in a pre-teen boy's body - the hormones! The puberty! The _adolescence -!"_

"Woah, woah, too much information!" Mabel exclaims, her nose wrinkling in disgust.

"Does that mean I'm trapped in the Mindscape, forever?!" He shouts at Bill, nervously glancing over his shoulder at the scenery of the Mindscape. He just noticed how temperatures changed from hot to cold in volatile patterns…

"I wouldn't call it _that_. This unfortunate outcome only forces us to temporarily share your body for who-knows-how-long? So if either of us die - which is most likely you - I'll die too!" Bill says the last part a bit too cheerfully. "So it's only appropiate that I take control of your body for awhile - hey, I guess in a way we're roommates! Not roommates -" A creepy too shark-like grin takes up the possessed face. "But _SOUL_ mates! Ahahahahahaha, GET IT?! It's funny because it's a pun!"

"Boooo!" Mabel groans, shaking her head at the terrible joke.

"You! You taking control of my body?! That's the worst arrangement ever! If anything, it's more likely that both of us will die if you take control of my body!"

"Whatever gives you that idea?" Bill questions, frowning as if he is actually offended.

"For starters, you think pain is hilarious!" Dipper quotes, remembering Bill's abuse of his body from yesterday's events, with a shudder of fear.

"Ohhh yeah - it still is! See!" He then proceeds to bang his head - _Dipper's_ head, repeatedly against the nearby bed, with an unrelenting force.

"Hey, stop that!" Dipper's twin cries out, managing to drag Bill away from the bed to stop him from self-harm. "Man, this is so freaky!"

"Mabel, we _have_ to do something! I can't deal with this!"

"I'm on it bro-bro!" Mabel runs over to Dipper's bedside drawer, taking out the Journal. Bill narrows his eyes, being reminded of their possession over the book. Just as he was about to lunge for Mabel, she promptly pins him down to the floor once again with her foot. He squirms valiantly against her strength.

"Get - off - me!" Bill grunts in frustration, struggling under her surprising strength.

"Nope. Hey Dipper, get my glue gun, the rope, and the glitter! I'm going to try out that special knot I read in this magazine!"

The demon inhabiting the human body, widens his eyes when he hears this. _That definitely doesn't sound good!_

* * *

The next thing Bill knew, he is writhing on the floor, bound by his hands and feet with glittery pink rope, like some type of animal.

"OH, COME ON!" He yells, as Shooting Star and her ghostly twin brother flip through the journal, muttering to each other in secret, eyeing Bill with anger. "You guys are gonna regret this!" He growls, cackling internally how he is going to plague the twins with neverending nightmares once he breaks free of his bond with Pine Tree's soul. They ignore his threats, as they pack for their adventure to solve this inconvenient problem. Trying another tactic, Bill tries to appeal Shooting Star's compassion. Writhing in his tied up hands and feet, Bill tries to make his best puppy eyes - which is difficult, considering it's been a long time since he used a human face to make such a pitiful expression.

"I'm going to die of starvation! I'm telling ya!"

"I left you a bag of chips and grape juice on my bed. Plus there's a coloring book!" Mabel yells at Bill, before she slams the door shut and locks it.

Glaring at the door, Bill mutters, "How am I supposed to color or eat anything if - MY HANDS AND FEET ARE TIED UP LIKE SOME SORTA ANIMAL!" He explodes into rage, his body making a weird, flopping motion on the floor. Disgruntled, Bill eyes Shooting Star's bed. True to her word, he sees a face down bag of 'chips' (whatever they are) and a box of crayons with a 'My Little Sparkly Dragon' coloring book. Suddenly feeling the weight of human necessities, Bill is conscious of how parched his throat is and the grumbling of his human body's stomach.

"Stupid human body needing to stupid eat and drink." Bill mumbles, flopping on the floor helplessly. He tries breaking the tightly knotted rope, but to no avail. Pine Tree's noodle arms and legs are simply not strong enough. Bill groans at this hindrance. For a good three minutes, Bill struggles to sit upwards. Once getting into a good position, Bill twists his head around the Twins' bedroom, scouring the whole place for anything useful. His eyes light up when he sees scissors on the bedside drawer of Shooting Star.

He cackles maniacally outloud, as he awkwardly and slowly butt-scooches his way over to the drawer. Reaching his destination, Bill shakingly rises to his feet. Although his feet and hands are tightly bound together to prevent him from walking or using his hands, he can still stand. Staring down at the scissors, Bill abruptly bangs his body against the drawer. He does this repeatedly, despite the numbing pain creeping up Bill's lower body, until the scissors fall over the edge.

Grinning triumphantly, Bill falls to his knees beside the scissors. Now, to cut open the rope - how in the world can this work? Bill clenches his fingers - oh that's right _fin-gers._ Those parts of the human body aren't tied together. Realizing his chance of escape, Bill scooches closer to the sharp object. He manages to lean backwards and grasp the scissors in his fingers. He sits there for a good ten minutes, navigating the scissors through the bundle of rope, surprisingly not cutting himself in the tedious process. Then, the rope wrapped around his wrists fall to the floor. Bill lets out a huge whoop of victory, grabbing the scissors, and set to work on the rope around his ankles.

Once that is over with, Bill is free! Nothing can stop him now! All he just has to do is get out of the room, track down the twins, steal the journal, and - hold on a moment, _A LOCKED DOOR?!_

"Impossible!" Bill cries out, stomping his foot in rage.

He stares down at the locked door, his new enemy. "Wait, what am I talking about," He says outloud, slapping his head in disbelief at his sudden stupidity. Maybe spending too much time in a human body would lessen his intelligence… "It's totally possible!" Bill grins wickedly, trying to crack his knuckles similarly to what Shooting Star did. He fails at this gesture, only succeeding in squeezing his hands awkwardly. Bill ignores this failed attempt, sizing up the locked door.

"Behold, _Door,_ " Bill announces loudly with an air of superiority. "I shall now defeat you with my _superior_ mind powers!" Taking a huge step back, Bill stared at the door as hard as he could with the upmost concentration. He stared at the door so hard, in fact, that his eyes began bulging and sweat forming on his forehead from the difficult concentration of his 'superior mind powers.' "...MMMMMmmmmmMMM!" Bill moans, his eyes rolling to the back of his head, as he collapses on the ground from exhaustion from his 'superior mind powers.'

"Okay…" He pants, fanning his sweaty skin. "Maybe my mind powers don't work in this scrawny human body. But that's okay. I shall now defeat this _LOCKED DOOR_ \- with my superior physical strength!" Bill once again, takes a huge step back, wiping his feet on the floor with preperation. "Door - here - I - COME!" He whoops out, hurdling Pine Tree's skinny human body towards the door at full force.

 _SLAM!_

"GAH!" Bill cries out in pain, getting knocked backwards from the force he charged against the door. He ends up smacking facedown on the floor, the wind practically knocked out of him. The whole world is spinning, pain buzzing all over. "Haha...ha...wow this is so...ouch...funny." Bill groans, sitting up, rubbing his sore back. _Maybe pain isn't so hilarious as I thought._ He thinks sourly, starting to feel the consequences of mortality. "I see how it is!" He says aloud, glaring at the taunting, locked wooden door.

Grabbing the doorknob, Bill jiggles it violently, pounding on the wooden, spilntery surface. "Grant me access out of here - DOOR!"

The door, as expected, does not say anything in reply. This increases Bill impending anger.

This is simply ridiculous. The great dream demon, Bill Cipher, stuck inside a sweltering, unconditioned bedroom, because of a _LOCKED. DOOR._ He, Bill Cipher, was the one that solved the Sphinx's riddle _FIRST_ before that stupid Greek mortal took his credit. He was the one that invented the idea of codes and the one that solved ALL of the man made ones! He is the dream demon, MASTER of the mindscape! Yet he is trapped inside a room because of DAMNED LOCKED DOOR.

"Injustice!" Bill screeches, kicking the door repeatedly. This certainly doesn't help him, because he only succeeded in making his toes sore with pain. "Harrumph!" Bill grunts, staring down at the door. Maybe something else can defeat this worthy new opponent?

"Open Sesame!" He exclaims. He waits for _something_ to happen. Nothing.

"Release the puma!"

"Abracadabra!"

"Password!"

"Freebies?"

"LET ME THROUGH!"

The door says nothing, only continuing to be locked.

"You know what? This door is a JERK. Curse you DOOR!" Bill raises his fists at it, with a twisted, angered expression. "From this day forward, I swear _vengeance!_ I shall hunt down your kind, and _murder them into extinction!_ I swear upon my trendy bow tie!" Bill shrieks, stomping his foot repeatedly in such a childish like manner that it is pretty much hilarious. "I rue the day that you were _born_ locked door," Bill seethes before turning his attention to the bag of chips and grape juice awaiting on Shooting Star's bed.

"Until then, I will eat my snacks, color the book, and then unlock you INTO SUBMISSION!" Bill swears to himself and the locked door, before he makes his way to the awaiting human food.

* * *

 **A/N: Oh my god, I had too much fun writing this. From the summary, this was originally meant to have Bill discover Doritos in chapter one, but it turned into THIS. If anyone gets the heavy reference that influenced this chapter, I'll fulfill a request for that person for Bill to Versus 'Insert Object Here'! Can anyone guess what Bill will discover next chapter (which is pretty freaking obvious). Reviews are much appreciated!**


	2. Bill Vs Doritos

**A/N: Hello folks! I'm up and back! Sorry I didn't update this whole week - with school and life, things get freaking hectic! Ontoward the chapter!**

* * *

Dipper hovers over Mabel's shoulder, his right hand tightly clenching a sock. It would look like a crazy sight to anyone happening to walk by, to see a young girl at the age of twelve holding a dusty red book to her nose, talking to particularly no one, only accompanied by a floating sock in the shape of someone's hand. Luckily, the Pine Twins are walking in the woods, searching for the very thing that would solve body-switcheroo situation between Bill and Dipper.

"So...Dipper, explain to me the game plan again?"

"Turn to page 59."

"O-kaaayyy…" Mabel thumbs through the yellow-worn pages, her tongue sticking out of her mouth. "There! Okay, so… 'Soul Insignia'? That's a funny word." She comments, squinting at the page. Dipper peers over her shoulder, seeing his hope to solve this problem.

"Don't you understand Mabel? This is a way for us to drive Bill out of my body!"

"Hehe, drive out of your body. Never thought you'd say that before bro-bro!"

"Mabel!"

"Right, right. But according to the Journal, it says that we need to find a magical object that can bind supernatural beings or whatever. Exactly where are we gonna find such a thing?"

"We gotta find the mines around here, in the woods. In the journal, it says that in the olden time, the people of Gravity Falls used to specialize in mining special stones that had weird magical properties. One of them is the black onyx - this gem acts something that can ward off negativity and evil. If we can form it into an Insigna with this spell, we can trap Bill in it, and get him out of my body!"

"That sounds like a plan! Let's go!" Mabel grins excitedly, stuffing the Journal inside her backpack.

"Oh yeah," Dipper says, his thoughts dwelling on his possessed body. "You left him some snacks...but how exactly is he going to eat them, you know, tied up and all?"

"Eh. Guess I didn't think it through. Wah-wah." The girl shrugs with an innocent expression. "But he'll be lucky if he doesn't find out what brand the chips are…"

"Uhm, what do you mean? What type of chips did you exactly leave him?" Her twin asks. He stares at her suspiciously, despite the fact she couldn't see his ghostly form. Mabel does not reply to this question, only giving Dipper a knowing, but a bit threatening smile. At that moment, the twelve year old boy knew better than to press further. Besides, what did he care for the fate of the dream demon?

* * *

Bill is still fuming after his rough encounter with the cursed locked door.

Grinding his teeth (is was an incredibly funny and pleasurable sensation, shifting the hard human bone against each other) he stomps over to Shooting Star's bed, and plops on top of it. He sinks slightly into the plushy mattress, the bed creaking loudly from his sudden weight. He eyes the necessities that Shooting Star had the good graces of leaving him, with a bit of curiosity. _Human food. Wonder what it tastes like._ Bill muses to himself, picking up the grape juice first.

He frowns at it, wondering how to drink such a thing. It is simply just a box, with a cartoonish looking bunch of grapes with a smiling face. This sorta creep Bill out on plenty of levels, as he stares at the design of the human drink. Testily, he shakes the box, and hears the sloshes of liquid moving inside the box. Bill does a double stake, squinting suspiciously at the box. _Do humans freaking swallow the whole box, or what?_ He ponders. The dream demon attempts to stuff the box into Pine Tree's mouth, but unfortunately, the mortal's mouth isn't big enough.

"Grrrr!" Bill growls under his breath, squeezing the juice box in his hand. He scratches his chin, considering other possibilities to get the liquid out of its containment. Grinding his teeth - oh that's right, _teeth~!_ He can use those! Gripping the box, Bill chomps right down on the thin box containing the human beverage. From the force that Bill used to bite down on the juice box squirts out purplish liquid. It hits Bill's tongue instantaneously. A butt load of sensations and new human feelings strike Bill all in a moment.

 _Sweet,_ This description comes to Bill's mind, as he ravishly sucked on the incredibly sweet liquid. Despite the fact the dream demon has no knowledge of human sensations, let alone food, it's as if the human instincts of the body he's possessing tells this Bill. All in a minute, Bill drains the juice box of its grape juice. Hungrily, he laps away at the dribbling juice on his hands. Satisfied that his thirst is quenched, he eyes the bag of 'chips.'

He picks it up, the plastic crinkling loudly in his hands. Bill flips it to the other side, squinting at the words.

"Dooo-ri-TOES."

Cocking his head, he mutters to himself, "What are these...Do-ri-tos?" His eyes run along the bag - and freezes when he sees the logan. Smack on the red bag, is a triangle-shaped chip. Every instinct is screaming at Bill to _not_ open the bag - however, he is hungry and he has no idea what Doritos are...Bill opens the bag, and a salty and cheesy like scent hits his human nose. Instantly, his mouth waters at smelling this human food - but his heart drops to his stomach when he peers into the bag.

"No...no... _ThiS CaN'T BeEEEee!"_

Smack inside the bag of Doritos, are triangle shaped chips. _Triangle shaped._ And it's meant to be consumed - eaten - digested -! Even worse, his possessed body's stomach is growling with anticipation, begging to be fed.

Bill is trapped with what he never thought is supposed to be his worst nightmare.

* * *

Mabel is walking upstairs, a floating sock by her side. Clutched in her hand is a black onyx and a wide smile of triumph on her chubby face. But she looks like an absolute mess - leaves and twigs are stuck in her hair, cuts are on her legs and face, and a bruise is forming at the side of her cheek.

"Mabel, are you okay? I think you need some medical treatment…" The floating sock says worriedly to her.

She grins through the pain. "Don't worry Dipper! We got outta that mining cave from the thanks of my - GRAPPLING HOOK!" She hollers triumphantly, raising the glorified tool in the air. This awesome moment for Mabel is short lived, however, when she keels over, groaning n pain. "Ow...ow my back."

"Let's go to our bedroom and try to make this charm work. Then we'll fix your injuries." Dipper says through the possessed floating sock, sounding concerned.

"Yeah...haha...owww, this is just like the Smile Dip aftermath all over again." Mabel rasps, as she opens the door. She braces herself to meet Bipper, Bill possessing Dipper's body - but is surprised to see him curled up in the corner, rocking back and forth, muttering unintelligble whispers to himself. Even though Bipper broke out of his bonds, he didn't make a move to attack Mabel or try to escape. He just rocks back and forth is the dark corner, murmuring to himself sounding like a mad man.

"What's up with him?" Her brother asks, a bit weirded out.

Mabel scans the room, and understands the situation all at once. The opened bag of Doritos, Bill acting like a traumatized mad man - "Looks like Bipper here discovered Doritos." Mabel grins evilly to her brother, rubbing her hands. She walks over to Bipper, waving the empty bag of Doritos to her ghostly twin brother. The moment she uttered, 'Doritos' Bill's head sharply snaps upwards.

With wide, haunted eyes, he smacks the bag out of Mabel's hands. "EVIL!"

Dipper gasps at the sight of his possessed body. Or more likely to be accurate, Bipper. The red dust of Doritos cover his mouth and hands. Tears are streaming down Bipper's face, making Dipper's body look like a scared five year old. Bipper's left eye is twitching, his shoulder trembling.

"I didn't mean too...t-this is u-u-utter cannibilsm! I'M SORRY WILLIAM!" Bill moans like a banshee, sinking to the ground. Mabel and Dipper only cast each other weird looks. Taking pity, the girl sinks to Bipper's crouching level, awkwardly patting his back. Seeing the state that the crazed dream demon was in, Mabel couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy.

"Uhm, there, there."

Bipper only replies by sobbing into Mabel's shoulder. Worse thing is, he _blows_ his nose loudly into her shirt. Mabel shudders, thinking of the snot splattered all over her neon orange sweater. It's a good thing it was her tenth favorite sweater…"

"T-The worse t-t-thing is!" Bipper hiccups, clawing at his face. "It was DELICIOUS!"

"Yeah, Doritos are pretty good." Dipper agrees, with an taunting smile on his transparent face. Bipper only howls in pain and grief, sobbing even more into Mabel's shoulder. The Pine Twins can only comfort the grieving Illumanti Dorito that is stuck in Dipper's body.

"Hey, Mabel?" Dipper whispers into her ear.

"Yeah…?"

"Did you even realize you chose Doritos when we left Bill alone?"

The scary thing is, Mabel only gives a creepy smile as a reply to Dipper.

In that moment, Dipper easily deducted that his twin sister is the real demon at work here.

* * *

 **A/N: Awww, poor Bill...at least he found the Doritos delicious? Haha.**


	3. Bill Vs Soda

**A/N: *ducks behind barricade before crowd chucks tomatoes at her* I know, I know, what am I doing here? I'm pretty much like a zombie returning from the dead - eh, you know, life happens and shmuck. And I want to get back to Fanfiction, so this is a start. I know I promised that I will follow reviewers' request - but honestly I need to free-flow-write. Like, I need to start pumping up my creative juices, so bear with me please. K' thanks, and enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

 **~Chapter Three~**

"Mabel ―"

"Bipper?"

"Bipper."

"I got this." Mabel rolls off bed, not with the same amount of urgency she would exert into the news of hearing about her brother's body getting possessed by a crazy demon triangle. At least, three weeks ago, such news would earn the reaction out of Mabel to grab her grappling hook and homemade glitter bombs to take on the threat - but it's pretty funny and weird how this bizarre arrangement became routine.

Flopping facedown on the floor, Mabel hops onto both feet. "That soul stone sorta worked for a few days, right?"

Dipper groans. "It's like he's doing this on purpose!"

"Welp, the more he comes back, the more I ward him off with the power of HUMAN technology!"

"Can you at least drive him away with something that won't physically damage/traumatize me and him in the process?"

"I can't promise nothing brother of mine!"

Cue groan from Dipper.

* * *

Bill couldn't believe it. He absolutely couldn't believe it.

He stares in mixed fascination of mockery and disbelief at Pine Tree's arms. _Wiggle, wiggle wiggle._ How could a pre-pubescent not even nearly a teen's arms be so - _noodle - y?_ "Gosh darn and me below, does this kid have any chance of muscle?!" Bill cackles, wiggling his arms like limp spaghetti arms. His mindless entertainment is cut, as he hears the irritating creaks and absolutely un-subtle entrance of Shooting Star stomping her way downstairs.

However, memories flood back into the triangle-possessed boy, as he recalls the terrible, terrible memories of the Doritos and a marathon of 'My Little Sparkly Dragon'...truly a foe that he has underestimated after all this time.

"Back off! I know kung-fu!" Bill hollers, briefly wondering if this is a valid threat.

"Silly, silly. I'm a pink belt at karate so you got nothing on me!"

"Mabel, pink belts don't even exist," points out her brother.

"Oh brother, brother, don't point out the technalities! Anyway! Bipper, I heard you like sodaaaaa~!" Shooting Star smiles, her neon green braces glinting in the sunlight. In her right hand, she waves around a full bottle of Pitt Cola. Inside, the pitt seed bounces back and forth, lost in the pink froth. Bill didn't even realize that his human throat was parched up until that moment she brought it up. His hands reaching slowly for it, he steps back, suspicion in his tinted yellow eyes.

"I'm not stupid! You probably tainted that or something!"

"C'mon! I thought you liked drinking soda like a person!" Shooting Star sings, quoting his words from when he first possessed Pine Tree's body.

Human instinct and greed overwhelming Bill's cunning sense, he lurches for the soda. He squints at the liquid, trying to figure if Shooting Star had any ill will towards him. She only smiles her natural goofy and metal covered one. Shurgging, he opens it - _psshhttttt!_

"AAH! My TWO EYEBALLS!" Bill screams, as the soda sprays into his human eyes.

And here, humans keep on questioning why he prefers having one eye in his triangle form. Because you never know when a carbon dioxide-pumped liquid will pour its hellfire into not one, but two of your exposed body organs.

* * *

 **A/N: This may not be a spectacular comeback, but hey, I'm trying! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and see you next time!**


End file.
